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Butch up, America! Today we reveal Part I of our revolutionary three-part series, "Butch Up!" American men (and boys) have been pussified like never before over the past decade, and we're finally going to do something about it. This program will soon be mandatory in all high schools in the nation (or else we will surely lose this war). If you're an active military member, you don't need to take the course, but you might want to read along so you can laugh at the rest of us. Here we go.

 
 
 

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