DATELINE, WASHINGTON: BERGER GRILLED !!
Former Clinton Administration
official Sandy ("88 Fingers Louie") Berger was seen "liberating" certain items this
afternoon by a security camera at a 7-11 store in a suburb of Alexandria, Virginia. When personnel from the Ken Starr
Tobacco Lobby and Security Corporation were called to the scene, they did a brief shakedown and found that Mr. Berger had
stuffed five copies of Playboy into his waistband, two copies of the Washington Post inside the back of his pants, and a cherry
Slurpee inside his thong.
Asked by the pompous Al Qaeda sleepers working at the convenience store
why a rich guy like Berger couldn't have PAID for these items, the former White House Security Advisor said, "I
have no idea how they got there. I must have been tucking in my shirt while I held this stuff and they accidentally got stuck
in my pants." As for the Slurpee? "Oh, well I can explain that," explained Berger (in an extremely high-pitched voice), "I
bought that at a different store five minutes ago and put it there for safe keeping."
Held for police, the cheesy Berger was soon taken away in handcuffs.
A short time later one of the security guards discovered that his wallet was missing, an item Burglar displayed as his own
'personal property' upon booking at the police station. Asked how someone else's wallet had ended up in his pocket, Berger's
eyes shifted nervously and beads of sweat formed on his brow as he said, "Uh.....it must have, uh, it must have fallen
in there, yup, fell into my pocket when I wasn't looking, yeah, that's the ticket."
THAT'S ALL FOR NOW
