In an effort to demonstrate that he means business, former Vermont governor and 'crash and burn' presidential candidate, Howeird Dean announced the establishment of "The Liberal Militia" on a farm two miles outside of the picture-esque community of Flakesville. Dean has hired former television talk show host Phil Donahue as camp commandant and designer of their patented "pussification processing center" located next door to 'Sally's Boutique' just inside the gates of the compound. Exclaimed Donahue enthusiastically to this reporter, "It's a rigorous three week program whereby men get in touch with their inner feelings and their feminine side sensibilities. New recruits, or 'sisters' as we call them, will be housed in that building right over there, the two story mauve structure with the emerald green window treatments." On a tour of the facility one could hear the sound of liberal soldiers on a morning "fun jog" belting out a tune with perfect pitch. "I don't know but I've been told, Chardannay must be served cold / Table placement's such a bitch, Never serve red wine with fish."
Drill instructor Hump Brewster then shows them the serious stuff at the rifle range. Holding a .22 caliber Winchester rifle up for all to see, he tells his cadets, "Now the first thing to know is that when you pull this little thingy down here, called the trigger, the bullet comes out from this hole up front very, very fast." The 'sisters' were impressed, although several of them refused to touch the weapon on grounds that it was 'icky.'
And what is the ultimate goal of these 'Deaner's Weiners', as they like to call themselves? Said Cadet Maurice Pinkpurse of the Michael Moore Battalion, "We learn guerrilla tactics in the war against the terrorists so that when Ashcroft's goons come knocking on our library doors we'll see to it that they don't get book one!" Asked if he knew who he wanted to vote for in the upcoming presidential election, Cadet Pinkpurse admitted, "I'm waiting for Madonna's endorsement of a candidate and then I'll follow her lead." He then walked briskly away toward the PeeWee Herman Building in their barracks from which the sounds of a Barry Manilow recording could be clearly heard wafting gently across the yard.
