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On Tuesday, Presidential Candidate Joe Lieberman shocked his party by dropping out of the race and endorsing Michael
Cooper. Unwilling to bash Bush (and our troops) at every turn, Lieberman has been essentially booted out of the democrap party.
His endorsement of Cooper is seen as more of a 'screw you' to horsefaced DNC Chair Terry McCauliffe, rather than an actual
"endorsement" (but the Cooper Team will take any endorsements they can get).
The big winner of the night was of course Margaret Hamilton lookalike John Fugly Kerry, who won five states (as well
as the tacit endorsement of virtually every reporter in the country). This morning, while reporting on Kerry's string of victories,
NBC's Campbell Brown looked like she was having an orgasm (which isn't necessarily a bad thing). Kerry is sure to win his
party's nomination (and possibly the presidency). The hard-hitting questions aimed at Howard Dean when he was the front-runner
seem to have dried up completely when it comes to Senator "Bush fooled me" Kerry. At this point, Kerry's strategy will be
to focus exclusively on his exemplary Viet Nam war record 30 years ago (distracting everyone from his horrific foreign policy
and CIA voting record of the past two decades).
Other winners (if you can call them that) were John "Devo Hair" Edwards and General Wesley "Charles Manson" Clark. Edwards
scored a big victory in South Carolina (hardly surprising, since he was BORN THERE). General Clark, after winning in Oklahomo,
went on to give perhaps the most brilliant speech of his career. He told the assembled masses "Oklahoma is OK by me." Brilliant,
isn't he? Think of how deep and witty that is (especially when you consider that the two-letter abbreviation for Oklahoma
is "OK" - get it?). Yeah, what a fucking dumbass.
Even worse than the good General Clark is his spoiled, rich, prepschool son, named (you guessed it) Wesley Clark Jr.
You gotta hand it to these blue bloods. They really have some sort of creative gene working for them. Predictably, Clark's
son is living proof that mental illness is indeed hereditary. Junior recently lashed out at the media for being "too rough"
on his daddy. Funny, I don't recall the mainstream press pointing out Manson/Clark's mental instability, flip-flops, hypocracy,
or overall creepiness.
At a recent event, Clark Jr. said (of his father) "He can take a shit sandwich and turn it into gold." I see somebody
had a pretty disturbing childhood. I can't imagine saying something like that about my own father. But perhaps I'm not "progressive"
or "sophisticated" enough. Either that, or I'm just not a fucking idiot. And like his daddy, Clark Jr. has made a habit out
of criticizing and belittling the military rank of anyone who wasn't a general. "My da-da was a general," he spouted at a
recent campaign stop. "That means he outranks most of you dumbasses here today. He also outranks Captain Planet, Marshal Mathers,
and Private Driveway - No Tresspassing." We're not sure what that last bit meant, but we're pretty sure we could actually
hear something snap in this kid's head.
PS: "Shit sandwich." Heh heh. I'll have to remember that one....
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