This week, before his corpse was even cold, Captain Kangaroo (Bob Keeshan) was savaged by presidential candidate Wesley Clark. A week ago, Clark (a former General) belittled Senator John Kerry's military rank during Vietnam. However, this week's comments mark a new low.

 

"I'm sure there are people out there who may be sad at the death of Captain Kangaroo, but let's not go overboard. After all, he was a mere captain, whereas I was a general," said Clark to a group of New Hampshire Michael Moore lemmings. He then went on a 30 minute rant about how many more war medals he has than Keeshan.

 

Clark's comments are just the latest in a long line of bizarre remarks he has made since coming off his medication. Not only has he flip-flopped more than any other candidate, he rarely holds an opinion long enough for anybody to pin him down. His now famous outbursts and contradictions have earned him such nicknames as "Leslie," "Sock Puppet," "General Jack D. Ripper," "The Manchurian Candidate," "Sybil," and "The Perfumed Prince."

 

At this week's presidential debate, in response to a tough question from Fox New's Brit Hume, Clark launched into a tirade against Captain Crunch. "For those of you who missed it the first 10,000 times, I am a retired GENERAL. Hell, Captain Crunch isn't even a real Captain. He's merely Cap'N Crunch. What the hell is a Cap'N?" After the debate, Clark's multiple personalities congratulated each other on a moderately horrible performance.

 

Clark was escorted from the debate by some men in white coats carrying butterfly nets. We wish him well.