What is feng shui? Is it a religion, superstition or just good old-fashioned pseudo-science? One thing's for sure, it's retarded. That's right. The idea that rearranging your office plants will bring you financial wealth and prosperity is uber-stupid. If anyone out there believes in feng shui, sorry to offend you. Please send me $300, and I will mail you a special healing crystal/good luck charm that will cure cancer, revive the dead, and increase the size of your penis (if you stuff it down your pants, that is).

 

I first heard of the principles of feng shui about ten years ago. A co-worker talked about building her house based up on it. She prattled on about how you should sleep with your head facing north, so your 'positive' energy would be replenished in the morning. Personally, I sleep facing south. That way it's easier for me to cop a feel when my wife's asleep. Feng shui is not a practice based upon scientific principles or even documented medical science. Yes, having house plants (or a pet) can make a person more energetic and happy. As a result, the person may work harder, be more productive, and potentially make more money. But feng shui is pure, unadulterated bullshit.

 

When my wife and I were buying our house a few years back, the realtor at the open house we went to was a nice, middle aged white woman. My wife is Asian, so the realtor immediately launched into "I see you're from Asia. Some of our houses are built with feng shui principles, and I think you would really like them." Needless to say, we walked out. Word to the wise: Don't insult my wife's intelligence (that's my job).

 

Many Chinese people I work with believe in feng shui. Then again, many of them eat cats, so I'm not sure what that gets me. I'm just kidding about the cat eating (that happens in mainland China, not here). It's incredible to me that although Asians run circles around the rest of the world in math, many of them seem to embrace feng shui, superstitions, bad medicine, and other nonsense. Many Americans, especially 'progressives,' seem to fall for anything they perceive as being Asian (because they see it as a quick way to becoming prosperous). That's the dirty little secret about liberals in America. They're racist.

 

That's right. Rather than attribute Asian success in America to hard work, self-sacrifice, and not cranking out bastard children by the age of 12, they think Asians are "magical." That's why they follow the Dalai Lama, feng shui, channeling, or any crank 'alternative' medicine that comes down the pike. I once got something in the mail. It was a sweatband to be worn around the wrist. The instructions with it said it was made with a new 'special' material that was filled with positive ions. I'm no fabrics expert, but I'm pretty sure it was cotton. Anyway, just to give "credibility" to their snake oil, the instructions said that this material was from the mystical country of Japan. You know, if you're going to lie, go all the way. Japan is a modern, technologically advanced country. It would have had more credibility if it said the stuff was from Thailand (not that the lemmings who fall for such schemes give a crap)... The letter concluded with "to order a shirt or other garments with this material, send $30 to blah blah blah."

 

I'm increasingly stunned at how stupid we've become (well, not ME, but everybody else). I went to a Barnes and Noble yesterday, just to do some research on feng shui. There was an entire row dedicated to books on astrology, the occult, magic, and other such nonsense. Unfortunately, a crowd of Kucinich suporters were in the way, so I opted for the other side of the spectrum - books on Science and Skepticism.

 

I asked the white hippy chick with dreadlocks working the information counter where I could find the books written by James Randi. She had no idea who he was. I then threw out the name Michael Schermer. Again, she was a complete blank. Finally, I asked her to point me to where the books on skepticism and debunking the occult were. She managed to surpress her disgust into a simple eyebrow furl, but I could sense her "negative energy." I had clearly gored her ox. She showed me where the books were. "That's it?" I asked. But she didn't have time to answer, she was already out of earshot. Sadly, although there are hundreds (if not thousands) of books written about feng shui, Nostradamous, channelling, aura healing, UFOs, and other crap, I think there have been exactly ten books in the modern era written about debunking this horse hockey. In other words, there are more idiots than critically-thinking people. And every election they cancel out my vote.

 

So what have we learned, boys and girls? Here's my summary.

 

1) People are stupid. Even people with the title "Doctor" can be as dumb as aquarium gravel.

 

2) People (liberals in particular) are racist. They discount things that parts of the population do which help them to succeed, and instead opt for the easy explnation: that owning a Tibetan prayer flag will somehow bring peace to the world. Pretty damn funny.

 

3) I will not do business with a company that has invested in a feng shui building designer. Sure, a company can do what it wants to with its own money, but I want no part of it. I will not invest a dime in a company that mismanages its money so badly. How a company invests its money is a very good indicator of where it is headed financially.

 

4) I won't vote for any politician that believes in any of this new age nonsense.

 

That that goes double for this dimwit.

 

 

 

 

James Randi - Randi is the king of making fun of new agers and snake oil salesmen. See how many days have passed since Sylvia Brown agreed to come in and do a "psychic" reading under scientific conditions.

 

Rick Ross - This guy skewers cults (and some 'hate groups'). Unlike others (with an obvious leftist, Maoist political agenda), I haven't seen politics emerge at Ross' site (sure, he has a link to the Southern Poverty Law Center, but I'll give him a pass for his great work at debunking MLM and other cults). If you're a Jehovah's Witless (or Tom Cruise), it's probably a good idea NOT to go to this site. Your feewings will be hurt.

 

Free Republic - You can always count on a Freeper to find interesting stories (and make fun of them). This is a great page discussing feng shui (including the German government discussing the use of feng shui to help with... aw, just read it yourself. My fingers are tired).