American men have become more and more pussified in recent years. Being a pussy is not to be confused with being "gay." Although many homosexuals are certainly sissies, many are not. No, being a pussy has nothing to do with sexual orientation, it is all about having no balls (think Phil Donahue). So how do you know if you're a pussy? Here's the list.

 

 

The first word out of your mouth when you speak to your wife or girlfriend is "honey."

 

You know what type of wine goes with fish and what type goes with beef.

 

Your wife makes you a "honeydo" list.

 

You make your own "honeydo" list.

 

You've purchased (or considered purchasing) any male hormone enhancement device or drug, up to and including androgel.

 

You wear a fanny-pack, passport belt, backpack, or (God forbid) a pappoose-style infant-carrying harness when you're out at the mall.

 

You vote democrat (because you have an undiagnosed case of the "Cinderella Complex," and want the nanny state to take care of you).

 

You've donated money to NPR and think "Click and Clack" are really funny.

 

You coddle your six-year-old son when he hurts himself and call him "Pooh Bear," (or some variant) in a soft voice that would make Kenny Loggins want to punch your face in.

 

When your wife complains that so-and-so's husband makes more money than you do, you give serious consideration to changing careers (instead of telling her to FOAD).

 

You're really impressed with Howard Dean's "honest and direct" manner of speaking (with little or no regard for what he actually says). In other words, you're ga-ga over a "forceful" man (get some help, or come out of the closet).

 

Your wife doesn't work, but you still feel that you should do 1/2 the cooking and cleaning.

 

You like Wesley Clark's new 'sweater' look.

 

You cried when Princess Di kicked the bucket.

 

You can't wait for the new liberal talk radio network, because NPR isn't left wing enough for you.

 

When you go to the store for beer, your wife asks you to "pick up a few things," hands you a long list, and gives you coupons AND YOU USE THEM.

 

You would have asked for U.N. approval before going into Iraq.

 

You've ever called yourself a "feminist" in order to get laid.

 

You give your son a painfully obvious tough-sounding first name (Justice, Morgan, or DeathStar) in hopes that he will "butch up."

 

You give a rat's ass about what the French think about anything.

 

You consider Madonna's endorsement of Leslie Clark worthy of consideration.