4) Ricky Ricardo
Origin: Cuba
Description: Dashing, handsome and "cool," this guy has it all. The accent is nice, but
if you hang around him too long, you will start to say "Cooba" instead of "Cuba," and will annoy the shit out of your white
friends. Ricky Ricardo is one of the rare immigrants that appreciate this country (and that's certainly a nice change
of pace). However, he has opened a Latin Dance Studio, and your wife has shown some interest.
Good: Hates Castro; Great dancer
Bad: Better looking and more cool that you are
Warning: Will bang your wife when you're on a business trip
5) Aging Slut
Origin: Asia
Description: This one used to be a real hottie back in the 1970's. Unfortunately, father
time has not been kind to her, and she hit the wall (face first) about 20 years ago. Although he was a "mama-san" and
owned a bar back in Osaka, she eventually wore out her welcome (and her mattress) and got hitched to some desparate American
dude. The marriage lasted about 6 weeks, but she got her Green Card, and that's all that counts. The Aging Slut has no concept
of time and will dress like she did back in her early 20's (mini-skirts, fuck-me boots, and gobs of makeup). In fact, the
term "aging" is just a polite was of saying "sea hag" (like the term "balding" is a euphamism for someone that looks
like Lex Luthor).
Good: Easy to get into bed
Bad: You wouldn't want to
Warning: May ask you to "fix her plumbing"
6) The Old Worlder
Origin: Somewhere in Eastern Europe, but possibly from another time
Description: Not technically a "gypsy," the Old Worlder looks like he just stepped out
of a documentary about The Great Depression (or the Industrial Revolution). It could be 1903 or 2008, he wouldn't know the
difference. His old three-piece suit, his bushy moustache and his pocket-watch make him look way out
of place in modern America (the fact that he's even "in color" seems odd). He is likely the relative of a Russian
immigrant family, but his grandchildren want nothing to do with him (so he spends his days waiting for the bus and creeping
the hell out of everybody else).
Good: Keeps to himself
Bad: Gives you the willies
Warning: May create a rip in the time-space continuum
