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This week the Howard Dean team unveiled a new campaign logo in an attempt to give
him the 'cred' he so desperately needs in foreign policy (you know, what with people dying and all from terrorist attacks
here and abroad). The new logo combines the good doctor's two favorite activities: skiing with a bad back while avoiding the
draft, and lying about his brother's military service.
Yes, it appears that the "bad back" which kept young Howard out of Vietnam
wasn't so bad that he couldn't 'shred' with the best of 'em. In fact he was able to work odd jobs and pour concrete, according
to The New York Times (Nov 22).
"We need a strong president like that," said Dean's campaign manager, Mary Butterfly
Freedom Sunshine Moonbeam Shitface. "When women find out that he was able to continue skiing with a sore back, they will fall
all over themselves to vote for him. And remember, if you're a Democrat, you can vote as many times as you want, even if you're
not a legal citizen, registered to vote, or even alive."
Of course the bigger aim of the new logo is to show the world that his brother was
indeed a POW/MIA during the Vietnam War. By now, most readers are familiar with Dean's brother, Charles Rambo Dean Deathkill
(Esquire). When an Iowa newspaper recently asked Dr. Dean to finish the sentence "My closest living relative
in the armed services is," he replied, "My brother is a POW/MIA in Laos, but is almost certainly dead."
During the Vietnam war, Dean's brother, along with an Australian friend, were travelling the world (sampling
various weeds and native herbs). They went to Laos, were captured by the Viet Cong and killed. Oops! Not to worry, Sgt.
Slaughter Dean (as he is now known) will in fact receive full military honors. To quote hippy icon Jerry Garcia, "what
a long, strange trip it's been."
Sure, Dean's brother was never officially (or unoffically) in the military, but that
isn't expected to dampen the hopes of his lemming-like followers (affectionately known as "Deanie Babies"). As long as he
continues to badmouth Bush, spread urban legends, and look really really angry, Dean is expected to skate (er, "ski") his
way to the Democrat nomination.
The new logo is also a handy "screw you" to our men and women actively serving in
harm's way (not to mention REAL Vietnam Vets). It is difficult to predict what
Dean will do next, but it is reported that he was recently spotted near the Vietnam Memorial Wall, with a chisel in one hand
and a hammer in the other.
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