This week, as the nation's Terror Alert was raised to Orange (or "high"), America's leading homosexuals (the "Fab Five" from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy") decided the alert color-coding system was in serious need of a makeover.

 

The Qweer Eye five (From left to right: Bruce, Lance, Bruce, Lance, and Bruce) immediately called an emergency meeting with the Department of Homoland Security. Invoking their powers under the 2003 "Gay Chic" act, the team pointed out the urgent need to update the Terror Alert colors to be more "gay fashion friendly."

 

The current (fashion "don't") colors: Green, Blue, Yellow, Orange, and Red will be replaced by the more fashionable Mauve, Periwinkle, Taupe, Olive Drab, and Burnt Sienna. "We're not certain that this will make America the least bit safer," said Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge, "but one thing's for sure, it will sure as hell piss off al Qaeda, and that can't be a bad thing."