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Today, former Secretary of Hate (and world's oldest living penguin) Madeline Albright again dispensed one of her theories
on world events: Lee Boyd Malvo was a frequent guest at Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch! Although
there is absolutely no evidence to support this, Madame Fugly (as she likes to be called) didn't flinch when she told Fox
News' Hannity and Colmes that she is convinced that The King of Poop and the Beltway Sniper had some sort of ungodly relationship
(which is legal only in certain sections of Vermont).
"Isn't it obvious?" she asked. "Here we have a troubled young black man, and a troubled old white woman. BOTH of
whom are active members of the Nation of Islam." When asked for comment, Nation of Islam High Commander (and experienced UFO
pilot) Louis Farrah Faucet Khan said "Lookie heah I just got done telling everyone how mistreated Saddam Hussien has
been in da hands of the blue-eyed devil. I don't need no white bitch tellin' me nuttin' about some dude diddlin' some
boy, or some boy shootin' people and shit. It's all just more proof dat dem Jews controllin' everythang."
We're still working on a translation for the last half of that sentence. We will bring it to you as soon as we get Barbara
Billingsley on the payroll (which may prove difficult, seeing how she's dead and all).
Earlier in the week, Ms. Albright took a few jabs at the Bush administration for doing what her beloved Clinton didn't
have the balls to do (nab Sodom Hussein). You may recall that Ms. Fuglo "joked" at the timing of this capture, wondering if
Bush planned it to coincide with the mid-December presidential elections, which no one seems to be familiar with. She
further mused that we may in fact have OBL lying on a concrete slab somewhere, being cryogenically frozen so that we can stuff
him full of Tootsie Rolls and beat his sorry carcass like a pinata next November. Joking or not (not, she's just a dumb bitch),
Madeline Dumbass caused quite a stir with her "theories." Either way, the move served to underscore the complete and total
meltdown being experienced by America's "New Patriots," and it has become the newest fad in "reality programming."
Nevertheless, Jackson has become the newest member of the phony version of Islam, creating
a new trend of converting BEFORE going to prison (instead of DURING it). Malvo, of course, is guilty as hell, and is
going to be handled like the little bitch that he is while in the joint. We're sure he's going to get a quick
primer on why it's called the "big house." There will be no milk and cookies where he's going, for certain. Tee hee hee.
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