John Kerry was visibly upset. "I spilled my blood in Vietnam. I sacrified part of my life, and for what? Just so that
some gung-ho cowboy like Bush can move his bowels whenever HE deems appropriate? I don't think so. His actions today have
weakened America's relationship with our allies. He was in there for 10 minutes. If he would have taken the time to ask the
French and Germans for assistance, it may have only taken him 3 or 4," said Kerry (as he put on a wetsuit and stuffed a Hillshire
Farms sausage down his pants in preparation for another appearance on "The Fat Housefrau Show" - known as "The View" in some
cities).
Gep Dickhard, not wanting to miss out on the act, once again called Bush a "miserable failure." He then angrily
declared "This president just doesn't GET IT!" When asked for specifics, Dickhard had a dull look on his face, as
the lights pierced right through his dull, white skin (revealing his internal organs). He was promptly escorted
off the premises, out of respect for the sighted people in attendance.
Later in the week, noted crackpot and schitzoid General Wesley Clark is expected to hold a press conference to coincide
with the traditional lighting of the White House Christmas Tree. "He sure as hell better not light up a so-called
"Christmas Tree" without prior U.N. Security Council approval," barked Clark (just back from his two-week European fundraising
tour). "This would be not only an unprecedented unilateral move, it would alienate the Islamists who are plotting terrorist
attacks against us." When it was pointed out that Presidents Carter and Clinton ALSO had lighted Christmas trees at the White
House, Clark stared blankly at us, as yet another Clark personality emerged. This one was a 14-year-old
girl, who goes by the name of "Dorothy." She then ran off into the sunset singing "Somewhere over the rainbow," and looking
for her little doggie. We wish him/her well.
