In a surprise move, this week renowned Alpha Male (Al Gore) threw his endorsement to self-described Metrosexual (Howard Dean). The move is widely expected to solidify Dean as the Democrap frontrunner. When asked for comment, the Catholic Archdiocese of Vermont said "We are firmly and solidly against this. Such an ungodly alliance between two males of different hipster sexual labels is strictly prohibited in The Bible."

 

Nevertheless, the couple is pushing forward with their plans, and it is widely anticipated that Gore is going to coach Dean on the virtues of speaking "black." In a memo to Dean (leaked to the Cooper for President team) Gore is on record as saying "the important thing when speaking to nig.. um I mean "African Americans" is to make as big of a jackass out of yourself as possible. Sound like you're Uncle Remus or something. They'll have no clue that you're actually making fun of them."

 

Proving his critics right (by showing himself to be an individual with no class, loyalty or respect) Gore completely bypassed his former running mate Joe Lieberman. When asked to comment, Lieberman said "......................" We'll be back next week to see if his condition has changed.

 

As reported exclusively here earlier this week, John Kerry has had facial reassignment surgery in order to look more like Dean. In response, Dean is now considering having surgery to look like former Queen frontman Freddy Mercury. "I know I have all the gay votes I need, but I just want to underscore my commitment." Gore has also pledged to help Dean develop a distinct effeminite lisp, a trademark of every good Alpha Male.