Today the Drudge Report (and other media outlets) suggested that John Kerry may have been receiving
Botox injections in a pathetic attempt at turning back father time. The Cooper for President team can neither
confirm (nor deny) these rumors, but it does seem likely, given the expected turnout of young (mostly uninformed) voters this
election season.
Over the past year, Botox injections have become much more commonplace among men (especially metrosexuals, democrats,
and effeminate queerboys who appear on American Idol and refer to themselves as "divas"). In addition to the (alleged) Botox
injections, it is believed that Kerry may have had plastic surgery (in order to look less like a shriveled
up sea-hag and more like a presidential candidate). The makeovers (if they're true) are expected to widen Kerry's
appeal among soccer moms and gay men.
The rumors have had little effect, as they come on the heels of Kerry winning the New Hampshire primary and
picking up several endorsements. Here are only a few of the new Kerry for President supporters: The Taliban, al
Qaeda, Fidel Castro, Lazy Americans for "Free" Health Care, The Society of Men Who Shoot Botox Because They Look Like Granny
from The Beverly Hillbillies, Vietnam Veterans against Vietnam Veterans against Kerry, and North Koreans for a Weakened Pussified
America.
