In a true show of Hollywood star power, the production company has hired Jimmy Carter, Madeline Albright, and Al Gore to play characters Peanut, Fugly, and Alpha-Boy, repsectively. In the movie, the team of "heroes" (lead by Kim Jung-Il's character, affectionately named "Kidnap") will work their way through the matrix, doing battle against the Evil Mr. Bush.

 

The Matrix (for those of you who've been living under a rock) is a pretend, topsy-turvy fantasyland (not unlike the drug-induced coma most of Hollywood has been living in for decades). The theme of the movie will be "tolerance" (for dictators, fascists, Nazis, Communists, and terrorists, that is). Millionaire Bush-bashing prick Martin Estivez Sheen has dipped into his wallet and "spared no expense" in order to make "Kidnap" look less like the pot-bellied pig that he is in real life.

 

The uber-talented Bob Nobody (creator of the supremely funny and witty "Where's the Beef?" commericals) was floored by the dictator's appearance. "Yeah, dude... It's like really incredible... The guy looks just like Johnny Cash.... except uglier....and fatter....and shorter....and with no talent, but apart from that no one could tell him apart from The Man in Black. In fact, as soon as he's done banging Madeline Albright for the 1000th time, I think I'm gonna grease up and give it a go.

 

The film is expected to be completed sometime in March, but will be released at the time most likely to do damage to president Bush (when North Korea finally completes its nuclear weapons that Carter and Albright gave them disguised as "aid"). It is yet undecided which city the producers want to be blown up for the premiere. We'll keep you posted. 

 

Editor's Note: You know, as a pretend 'tard, it's getting more and more difficult to parody these America-hating sacks of crud. So please write my name on your ballot during the Democrap primary in your state. Thank you.