Q: Is "Michael Cooper" an official candidate on one of those ultra-difficult punch card ballots (that my seven-year-old daughter could do with her eyes closed)?

A: No, he’s not officially running. However, we do hope that you will vote for him as a "write in" candidate in the primaries. Hey, if the Dems can vote for a dead man (Mel Carnahan), swap votes (Naders Traitors), exchange candidates at the last minute (Torricelli/Forrester), or throw out as many military ballots as humanly possible (Sore Losermann) we see no harm in throwing the left’s contempt for America back in their faces by running a non-existant 'tard against them.

Q: Can he really win?

A: YES. But only if everybody helps. (Ok, maybe he can’t WIN, but he can sure screw it up for the sock puppet (Clark) or Mr. Androgyny (Dean). What the hell is a "metrosexual" anyway)???

Q: What if he doesn’t get the Democrat nomination?

A: We are not even considering such a scenario. In fact, Michael is calling on the other Democrat contenders to drop out of the race and spare their families the humiliation of losing to a fictitious retard. If they do it soon, Michael will consider them for his VP nomination. Who should he pick? Vote here

Q: Aren't you being just a tad "mean?"

A: No.

Q: Are you afraid of getting in trouble with the law?

A: No. We've broken no laws here. We haven't actually signed up a candidate, we haven't collected a dime of money, and we aren't getting funneled gobs of cash from the Red Chinese Army through an Indonesian bank. Bottom line: we've done nothing wrong.

Q: I'm a hot Asian chick. I'd like to email you a photo of myself (but only if you promise to keep it for your own private viewing). Where can I send it?

A: cooper (and thanks)

Q: I'm very angry at you! I'm a Democrap, and I hate the War on Terror. We would never have been attacked on 9/11 if Gore had been elected! Bush Lied, They Died! Hey Hey Ho Ho!! Where can I send you a letter?

A: Nowhere. You're obviously too stupid to form a coherent opinion. Go watch Sesame Street and smoke a bowl. That's more up your alley. Oh yeah, and Phish is coming to town. Go throw yourself in front of their tour bus.