Americans Are Stupid

It's official. Americans are dumb. At least that's what the "mainstream" media around the world have concluded. Apparently (if their subtlety went over your pointed heads) they were hoping you would vote for Kerry. Instead, you gave Bush a commanding victory, and rather than focus on what the Democrats did to cause this (stabbing our troops in the back, making light of terrorism, and embracing the most virulent, anti-American factions in this country) Kerry's allies in the press have come completely unhinged. I suggest they take their lithium (actually, I still hold out hope that most of these "enlightened" people will finally realize they're not nearly as intelligent as they think they are and opt for the suicide option). But our superiors in the media have spoken, and Americans are stupid. Let's examine this claim.

First, Americans are stupid for not accepting Michael Moore's "documentary" Fahrenheit 911, which was counting on your gullibility to help you "see the truth" that America was actually responsible for 9/11. In fact, President Bush stole the 2000 election specifically so he could allow 19 Arab Muslims to hijack our planes and fly them into our buildings. Bush (a man who is allegedly so retarded he can't even tie his own shoes) masterminded and orchestrated the attacks (which did a trillion dollars worth of damage to our economy) so that we could invade Afghanistan for an oil pipeline (which would give Halliburton a few billion dollars). Of course, such a pipeline hasn't been built, but I think either the Romulans or Bigfoot were supposed to do this. And you're a MORON for not lapping it up!

Secondly, you are a cretin for not believing that John Kerry could do a better job at fighting terrorism (a threat that Kerry himself said was "exaggerated" and Michael Moore said didn't exist). You are a fool for voting for the "chimp" George W. Bush (whose IQ is actually higher than John Kerry's, but that's not important, because Kerry hasn't signed the release which would allow all his military records to be made public, even though he's a "war hero" who says he has made all his records public). Can you see the blatant contradictions? Yes? Then you're stupid. You're also stupid for not allowing Kerry to make fun of Dick Cheney's five deferments, when Kerry himself TRIED for five (but only received four). The fact that you're able to think for yourself and ignore what Dan Rather tells you think makes you an utter moron.

And you're stupid for being a Christian. How dare you have a set of (non-violent) religious beliefs? Don't you realize that the only religions of value to the far left are militant Islam and whatever New Age fad-of-the-week crops up? Having a set of morals, reading the Bible, and opposing infanticide makes you the biggest hick since, well, since John Cougar Mellencamp, but he's not really a hick because he supported John Kerry. And speaking of Kerry, how could you Bible Thumpers vote for Bush? After all, Kerry made every attempt to show you what a religious man he is. If he had carried around a Bible with a deliberately oversize cross on the front (like Clinton did), I bet you would have voted for Kerry (which would have made your religion legitimate). What's the matter with you people? Didn't you see Kerry at all those black churches? Isn't that enough to convince you that he's "one of you?" Again, make no attempt to analyze our hypocrisy and blatant double standards (or we'll call you "stupid" again).

Finally, how moronic are you not to follow word-for-word the wit and wisdom of such political experts as Bruce Springsteen, Ben Affleck, and (giggle) Bon Jovi? Didn't you see Bon Jovi wearing that yellow bracelet? What else do you want? And how racist you must be not to follow the advice of the great Sean "Puffy" Combs (a grown man who goes by the name P. Diddy). It's just proof that you Americans are bigots. After all, you seem to have great respect for normal black Americans who speak perfect English, are well educated, and share your values. On the other hand, when the entertainment industry cranks out stereotypes like P. Diddy and Snoop Dogg (who speak like Amos and Andy, degrade women, take drugs, and encourage sloth) you ignore them. It would be too difficult to imagine that it might actually be the LIBERALS who are racist, so we'll continue to cling on to our beliefs that Republicans are all Klan members.