The Ten Best Halloween Movies of All Time
While this is not necessarily a list of the scariest Halloween movies (nor even the goriest), it is a pretty decent list
of the BEST Halloween movies. Some are scary, some are funny, and some are downright stupid (in a scary-funny kind of way).
Here they are:
10) The Ring – This movie is uber-creepy. Yes, it’s stupid and ultimately plot-less. But did
I mention that it’s uber-creepy?
9) Child’s Play – OK, this isn’t exactly "scary," (nor even very good), but there’s
something about a doll that kills people and says things like "Fuck you, sister." Based (I’m sure) on the Twilight Zone
episode starring Telly Savalas (and copied about a dozen times elsewhere), the movie is mouth-breathing entertainment at its
best. And it stars a younger Catherine Hicks (of 7th Heaven, one of the absolute worst TV shows of the past ten
years) playing a single mom to a real puss of a kid.
8) Night of the Living Dead – The original freak-out movie, Night of the Living Dead revolves
around everyone’s favorite monsters - ZOMBIES. I can’t prove this, but it looks like the first zombie encountered
in the movie is a young John Kerry. Again, don’t hold me to this.
7) Poltergeist – A family buys a new house for a great price. One small problem: The entire neighborhood
is built on an ancient Indian burial ground. Need I say more?
6) Young Frankenstein – The second best Mel Brooks movie (in a very short list of actual GOOD Mel
Brooks movies), Young Frankenstein skewered the horror genre in a way that hadn’t been done before. Featuring excellent
performances by Gene Wilder, Marty Feldman, and of course Peter Boyle as the monster, this movie is a classic in any sense
of the word. I believe it even won an Academy Award (although I could have dreamt that).
5) The Bone Collector – Denzel Washington should have won Best Actor for his performance is this
ultra-scary, ultra-creepy thriller about a mysterious serial killer. Not as disgusting or as graphic as Silence of the Lambs
(a terrifying movie in its own right), The Bone Collector is a perfect plot-twist scarefest. You will be disturbed.
4) Bride of Frankenstein – I had to include at least one classic horror film, and this is my favorite.
Two monsters, a town of ‘kraut villagers, pitchforks, torches, blah blah blah. If you haven’t seen this one, go
ahead and buy the DVD. It’s good.
3) Tremors – This excellent movie from 1990 features Kevin Bacon as a hapless Nevada small-town
day laborer who inadvertently discovers alien (or mutant) creatures living underground. The creatures (later named "Snakeoids"
by the town’s Chinese grocer) can suck a man right out of his skin (no Lewinsky jokes, please). Family Ties’ Michael
Gross and singer Reba McEntire are hilarious as a husband-and-wife survivalist team.
2) Killer Klowns from Outer Space – Everyone knows that clowns are scary. There’s not a human
being on the planet that isn’t secretly terrified of clowns. John Wayne Gasey was a clown. John F. Kerry is a clown.
There’s something inherently wrong with a 40-year-old man who wears white pancake makeup (even though you can clearly
see his whiskers sticking out from the makeup, and there’s the unmistakable scent of Wild Turkey on his breath). Killer
Klowns capitalizes on this fear and has a good time doing it. Billed as "The Greatest B Movie of All Time" by somebody of
marginal importance, this movie is an absolute must see for anyone who likes a good cheesy laugh.
1) Army of Darkness – This classic 80’s flick features B-Movie legend Bruce Campbell in his
second best performance to date (his BEST is Bubba Ho Tep). The third in the "Evil Dead" trilogy, Army of Darkness is extremely
entertaining (the first two in the series are really more gory than good). If you haven’t seen this movie, do it!
