The Harvard Water Polo Team running the Bush campaign had better get its shit together. The people who allegedly "prepared" Bush for the debates last night should be let go. His performance was moderately good, and he did land some shots against Kerry. But his numerous pregnant pauses, hemming and hawing, and missed opportunities gave Kerry the edge he needed. Kerry was able to remove the doubt about his leadership ability (at least to the undecided idiots).

 

Today I spoke with a few Bush Kool Aid drinkers who think Bush cleaned Kerry's clock. They told me I was being superficial for pointing out Bush's style. How ironic. The same people who made fun of Kerry's orange tan and frequently make "Lurch" jokes are now claiming that the way a person presents himself should be off limits. Once again, I'm calling "bullshit" to that. I'll make fun of Kerry's horseface, and I'll also point out Bush's horrible "ummms" and "uhhhhs."

 

Due to a prior commitment, I was not able to watch the debate as it happened. I was stuck with listening to the first ten minutes (and last twenty minutes) on the radio. As bad as people think it was to WATCH, it was even worse on the radio. Both sides tripped over their lips and made some flubs. That's fine. But Kerry did a much better job than Bush, and I'm calling it like I see it. On substance, Bush clearly won. Actually, I take that back. Bush SHOULD HAVE won, but he missed far too many openings. Overall, I'd say it was a tie, but the undecideds are clearly going to favor Kerry at this point.

 

I'll be the first to admit that luck played a part. Since Kerry won the coin toss, he got to express his sympathies for the people of Florida first. But he went even further. He said from the start that he thinks Bush is patriotic and that they both want to protect America. Even though we know his friendliness was just another phony ploy, it gave Kerry the moral high ground immediately. I had not anticipated this. Neither did Bush's debate coaches, apparently. They were too busy trying to lower the public's expectations. What a joke.

 

I'm not exaggerating when I say that I could have done a better job than Bush did. Once I got home, I watched the replay of the debate and made a few notes as things came up. I'm not going to bore everybody with a line-by-line, point-by-point analysis. Again, Bush did score some good points, but he missed some huge opportunities. Here's how I would have answered the following two questions:

 

Q: "Mr. President, if Senator Kerry were elected on Nov 2nd, do you believe the threat of terrorism would increase?"

 

A: "Well, the American people certainly think so. The opinion polls have all shown that they trust me to do a much better job of handling terrorism. But more importantly, Senator Kerry himself said earlier this year that the threat of terrorism has been "exaggerated." I take the threat very seriously. I'm the president, and I know these threats are real, and they aren't caused by us. So when you consider that, then yes, it is possible that terrorism could increase. But I've done everything I can to make sure we're not attacked again. Many of the things I've done such as Homeland Security and the Patriot Act have been attacked by my opponent and his party.

 

In fact, the liberals in this country have been doing their best to get the Taliban and al Qaeda prisoners at Guantanamo Bay released. Just last week, a Danish citizen who had worked with the Taliban was released from Guantanamo Bay against the wishes of my administration. He has now stated openly that he will not honor the "non-violence" agreement he signed as a condition of his release, and that he plans to go to Russia and join up with the Chechen terrorists who killed those school kids in Beslan. Some people say I'm too tough, but I'll do whatever is needed to fight these people before they attack us. My opponent thinks the threat is exaggerated."

 

Q: "Senator Kerry, what mistakes do you think Bush has made?"

 

My answer (after Kerry's answer) A: "It has been demonstrated throughout this campaign that Senator Kerry and Senator Edwards voted for the use of force, but didn't anticipate any U.S. casualties or problems. As much as I wish it wasn't the case, there's no such thing as a "bloodless" war. In order to remove the dictator, we had to use brute force. That's the only thing Saddam understood. And I reject the notion that Saddam had nothing to do with terrorism. He was paying the suicide bombers in Israel, he was funding terrorists, he had a terrorist training camp, and he DID have contacts with al Qaeda. He invited al Zarqawi into Iraq BEFORE the war. We could not take the chance that Iraq and al Qaeda would form an alliance. Without knowing the outcome, I made the best possible choice for this country. It is impossible to fight a war without good people dying. My opponent wanted to get rid of Saddam, but only if he could be sure that it would be a cakewalk. That is impossible. He seems to support the war when it's going well, then he's against it when we encounter problems. That's not leadership."

 

 

 

...So while you hear the Kool Aid drinkers say that the polls haven't changed, keep in mind that debates don't have an immediate effect. We'll see how much of a bump Kerry gets in a week or so. The milquetoasters running the Bush campaign still have a chance to counteract Kerry. Here's a good start: they need to stop repeating the "I voted for the $87 billion before I voted against it line." This isn't funny anymore. Instead, they need to run the commercial with the hot soccer mom talking about Kerry. The droning, monotone voice on their latest radio ad won't do anything but annoy the shit out of the public. And (if they want to win) they need to say that Kerry said the threat of global terrorism is exaggerated.

 

I realize there are hundreds of armchair quarterbacks who want to give "advice" to the Bush campaign. These lightweights may have connections, but they're the same people who gave us the "Any way the wind blows" ads (and who ran the Howard Dean scream for about six months after he said it). Pathetic.

 

If they don't get serious and stop with the check-pants, country club Republican advice, then Kerry's going to win, his foul wife will become First Lady, and thousands of troops will not re-enlist.

 

Now get back to work.