More Socially Retarded Airline Behavior

Cooper for President

More Socially Retarded Airline Behavior

Here's an excellent email from a loyal Cooper reader regarding the socially retarded behavior SHE had to deal with for 29 years.

Hey Cooper:

I just retired after flying for 29 years. I agree with all you had to say and here are a few of my own:

The gal with hair down to her butt who throws her mop over her seat and it lands in your food. (Although most flights don't have food anymore. It lands in your drink and pretzels.)

The oh-so-important business man who boards with the cell phone stuck to his ear so naturally he can't say hello. Also, when it's time to take drink or meal choices, he gets ignored because he's too busy talking about his latest major deal. Then he pouts and whines like a baby that he didn't get HIS choice and had to take what was left over.

The stupid white trash who wears Daisy-Dukes and a belly shirt, and then wants 10 blankets because she's COLD. Duh, wear some clothes when you fly.

The women (and some men) who manage to drag their luggage all over the airport and cannot lift it when they get to the airplane. They want us to put it in the overhead bin for them. If it's too heavy for them to lift, it's probably too heavy for me to lift.

The diabetic who travels with no food and expects us to find food somewhere on the airplane because it's time for them to eat. (What about planning ahead and bringing some food with you?).

The person boarding with the backpack or luggage over his shoulder and hits everyone in the head as he's walking down the aisle.

I especially liked the one about the dumbass who didn't order a drink when it was time to do so, and cried when he didn't get what he wanted. One time on a flight from Chicago, an Indian (or possibly Mexican) old lady sat by me. She didn't seem to understand English, and I didn't hear her say anything in her native language. She looked Hispanic, but she was wearing one of those colorful Indian dresses, so I don't know what the hell she was.

When it came time to order a beverage, she didn't understand what the flight attendant was saying (even though every civilized person on the planet would get the gist of it whether they understood English or not). She looked at me, and I made a drinking motion with my hand up to my face (yeah, I'm a moron). She then (seemingly) understood what I was saying, then said "no" (to me). I motioned to her to tell the flight attendant, and she managed to squeeze out another "no." I'm sure it was physically painful for her to have to speak English twice in the same day. Anyway, when the flight attendant came by with the tray of beverages, I got mine, and the old hag next to me thought SHE was going to get one. She looked hurt and upset and pointed to my Coke (as if to ask "Where's MINE?"). The flight attendant was clearly annoyed, and just said "I'm sorry, you said you didn't want any," and walked away (knowing this third world idiot wouldn't be able to complain to anyone). Bwahahahaha!

...and here's a good solution for those assholes who put their seats all the way back (so their bald pate is staring me in the face) right after liftoff. Tiberius (from the Aussie Asylum) had this to say:

G'day mate

You fucking hit the nail on the head with the very first entry.

Those fuckers who have to immediately put their seat back (like they are so tired they will fall asleep immediately upon sitting down - but can't because the seat is upright) shit me no end.

My solution is as follows:

I always make sure to sit forward in my seat (so my knees are almost up against the back of their chair). They have a little room to move their seat back, and it still leaves me with a bit of knee room once I move back in my chair.

Most people feel their seat resting on my knees so stop there. For those that don't (and try and pushing back repeatedly) I eventually let go. But I kid you not - every 5 minutes I get out of my seat and go to the toilet, or for a walk, or to get something out of the overhead locker, or to put something in the overhead locker - and every time I get up or come back I really give their seat a good whack.

And when I am actually in my seat for those 5 minutes I make sure to put the tray table up and down as roughly as possible.

It usually gets the message across, but if it doesn't and they actually ask me if I mind (or if I could not bump their seat), I say "No I don't fucking mind" or "well then put your fucking seat up and give me the room." That usually does the trick.

Cheers