Name: Grizzly Adams Description: Ah, the good old fashioned hippie. What protest would be complete without one? This guy practices the art of "going limp," forcing police to drag his sorry ass away (which is par for the course, since he is nothing more than dead weight to society anyway). The Journal of Modern Psychology has reported that these types of feminized males actually achieve sexual arousal when they "go limp" and are carried away by real men. How to Incapacitate: Bar of Soap

Name: Moral Coward Description: The common (inaccurate) term for idiots who say that America bombing the Taliban is equal to 9/11 is "Moral Equivalence." The correct term is "Moral Cowardice." These people have got everything backwards and are incapable of debating. They rely on being more offensive than the other guy (hoping you'll be too upset to question their "logic"). Fucking gutless. How To Incapacitate: REAL Bullets

Name: Sandalista Description: Usually applying to both men and women, a Sandalista is different from the Grizzly Adams hippie in that he or she thinks they're still at a Grateful Dead concert. It could be 1968 or 2005, they wouldn't know the difference. Warning: Likes to dance in a twirling motion, causing nausea in all. How to Incapacitate: Fire Hose

Name: Critical MassHoles Description: These idiots like to shut down traffic with their little toy bicycles. They claim that the streets belong to them (although they don't pay the gasoline taxes that fix the roads, like motorists do). Check out the clown in the photo. I think he's sporting wood. How to Incapacitate: Rubber Bullets

Name: The Sensualist Description: Also known as "The Streak" (my apologies to any of you who now have that horrible Ray Stevens song running through your head), the Sensualist just wants to get naked and have as much unprotected sex as possible. These are the same people who think that stopping the war in Iraq will somehow cure AIDS. Not the most intelligent of creatures, they at least know enough to use paint to strategically cover up those needle tracks. Although these gals will surely be arrested, they will have enough $1 bills to pay their bail once they reach the jail. How to Incapacitate: German Shepard

Name: Trojan Horse Peace Groups (ANSWER., NION, etc.) Description: Unlike Useful Idiots, these people know they're nothing more than fronts for the likes of Kim Jung Il (although you wouldn't know it by watching Dan Rather). Also known as "Code Talkers," these clowns use code words to fool the public: "Direct Action" means "Violence," "Peace" means "Kill Jews and Christians," "Justice" means "Getting away with killing Jews and Christians," and "Economic Justice" means "Communism." How to Incapacitate: Taser

Name: New Age Nitwit Description: This category covers all members of the New Age movement, Cultists, and Unitarians (who like cramming their "religion" down everyone else's throat, while decrying President Bush's faith). Like the peace quilts they sell, their spiritual beliefs are essentially a patchwork of various (often conflicting) religions (basically the "Chinese Menu" approach to religion - pick one belief from column A, one from column B, and an eggroll). How to Incapacitate: Tear Gas