Due to the large volume of absolute crap on the air, I watch very little TV. I only like GOOD shows. Actually,
I take that back. I like shows that are either exceptionally good, or absolutely horrible. Most of the dreck on TV today falls
somewhere in the middle (mediocre sitcoms, British TV show rip-offs, horribly retarded "reality" shows, and other assorted
nonsense). Most of it is shit. In fact, the only truly GOOD show on television today (the ONLY one that actually makes me
laugh out loud) is The George Lopez Show. True, Everybody Loves Raymond is OK, but it jumped the shark a few years back.
Apart from Lopez, there's really nothing to watch. However, I have to admit that I do occasionally find
a good "bad" show. As you may recall, I thoroughly enjoyed the WB's Superstar USA. That's been off the air for some time now,
but I've found something just as good. It's called "Amish in the City."
I know what you're thinking. "How can 'Coop like a sub-mongoloid exploitation "reality" show like that?"
I agree. When I saw the previews, that's exactly what I thought. However, I was channel surfing the other night, and came
across it on UPN (the "Unfunny Parkers Network"), which is only slightly better than the WB ("White Bitches") Network. The
show features five Amish young adults from different cities living together with six supposedly "normal" people in the
Hollywood Hills. Sure, it seems a tad exploitive, but it's not as bad as you might think. And here's the bonus - the Amish
women are PRETTY DAMN HOT. Ok, so I'm superficial. I thought we had already established that.
One of the Amish girls (Ruth) is a real cutie. And she's the youngest of THIRTEEN children. It seems a shame
that she will eventually have to go back to the farm and become a human Xerox machine like her mom was. Let me quote the great
Dennis Miller: "It's a VAGINA, lady, not a CLOWN CAR!" But I digress...
Perhaps Ruth (and the others) will choose to leave the Amish community and strike out on their own.
I doubt that will happen, but who knows? Anyway, the show is the best thing on UPN (especially when compared to that unwatchable
Star Trek with Scott Dracula).
So what do these people say to each other? I have no friggin' clue. I was listening to my Joe Jackson Greatest
Hits CD during the entire show. I don't think it really needs dialogue to be good. You get to see the Amish women in bathing
suits going to the beach for the first time. You get to see them interacting with others from within their community and outside
of it.
All in all, I'd give it four out of four stars. It is a masterful combination of talent and creativity
(The Joe Jackson CD, that is). The show isn't bad, either. It provides a pretty good backdrop for whatever your musical tastes
may be. And it's better than virtually anything else on the air (unless you like shows about mafia wives spending their husband's
blood money, or women swapping places with other moms, or gross-out shows on NBC which confuse someone not wanting to eat
human feces with "fear." I think you get my point).
Now get back to work.
'Coop
