Here's a lovely piece of hate mail I received from a woman (girl) named Lynda:
"your a stupid jerk asshole dick sucker who rags on people to try and cover up your own insecurities
about sucking dick and having a very small dick."
Gee... How eloquent. Why do I get the feeling that Lynda won't be bringing the potato salad to this weekend's
MENSA Barbecue? Hey, dipshit: For the record I'm not gay. I don't suck dick (and I'm not about to start with yours). Normally
I can tell what type of person someone is based upon what offended them. In this case, I'm assuming it's Johnny Depp. Even
Michael Moore fans are marginally literate, and a true liberal wouldn't use homosexuality as an insult (although most do,
because they really don't give a shit about gays or blacks or whomever they claim to represent, but that's a topic for a different
day).
I'm sending your email to your fifth grade teacher. I'm assuming you're approximately ten years old, given
your horrendous grammar and lack of capitalization. It's bad enough you don't have enough gray matter to capitalize the first
fucking word in the paragraph. Of course, since you used the wrong word ("your" instead of "you're") I don't see that it really
matters much to you.
I would have turned this over to my seven-year-old neighbor (Little Miss Smarty Pants), but your fellatio
obsession made that impossible. Please get some help. And as far as having a "small one," I don't think that applies either.
It's unfair to compare men to the horses, donkeys, gray whales, and other animals that you've experimented with. So please
stop the dime store psychobabble. It only draws further attention to your vapid, worthless existence.
Sincerely,
The next President of the United States (That's the guy with the suit who runs the country and decides
about taxes and wars and stuff. I just thought I'd mention it).
'Coop
(C) 2004, Cooper for President
