Attention all fat house fraus...

 

Are you tired of weighing 350 lbs, and would like to get down to a slim, trim 280? If so, then Dr. Phil's Weight Loss Bars are just the solution for you! As any Oprah fan knows, cutting calories and exercising regularly are just too damn hard. Why put all that effort into losing weight when Dr. Phil has made it easy for you? Isn't that what life is all about? Everything being easy?

 

Go ahead and order your supply today. Don't worry that the good doctor looks like he hasn't seen his toes since the Carter administration (or that you could just go to Safeway and pick up a crate of Slim Fast for the same price). The sooner your order, the sooner Dr. Phil will make more money.

 

Warning: Side effects may include weight gain, hair loss, a southern accent, inflated ego, and the tendency to use the phrases "june bug," "take personal inventory," or "get real." You may also end up looking like Harry Mudd from Star Trek. If this happens, you will likely lose all friends and relatives who will surely hate your friggin guts.