I don't know when this ultra-casual slacker dress code took hold in America, but just for kicks I would like to blame Jimmy Buffett. Yes, I realize it was hot in D.C. (if you are temperature sensitive, please read this article), but that doesn't give you the right to disgrace yourself, your country, and the 40th President of the United States. Last summer, I went to a friend's outdoor wedding. I had to stand out in the hot sun (wearing a black tux) for nearly four hours. Sure, the members of the wedding party grumbled amongst ourselves, but there was not one person who showed up in bermuda shorts and flip-flops. If you can't dress like an adult, you probably shouldn't leave the house, much less go to something as important as viewing Reagan's coffin.

 

In the article, the attrocious attire of several "well wishers" was duly noted. One guy had a yellow t-shirt that said "Don't tread on me." Another pussy college student (when it was pointed out that Bob Dole was wearing a suit) said "Bob Dole didn't have to wait out in the hot sun for three hours." Is it any wonder we are the laughing stock of the world? Nobody on this planet dresses worse then we do (with the possible exception of the Krauts).

 

Let me tell you something, Sparky. I wear suits because I have a job that requires me looking like a professional. I realize not everybody owns a suit, and for the sake of argument let's say it was an extremely hot day. So what?? Wear some fucking slacks and a polo shirt. I am constantly amazed at the lack of class displayed by many in this country. And don't get me started on the "women" who showed up wearing sweats, baseball caps, slut shirts, and mini skirts. You can act like the whore you are 364 days out of the year. Please show some respect for our former Commander-In-Chief, would you? This isn't Bill Clinton's casket, it's REAGAN'S.

 

Finally, I would like to make another pledge. When I'm president, I will impose a ban on the import of Birkenstocks. Only Portland lesbians and fat slobs wear them, and they look like shit. Not even when I take my family to Disneyland do I dress as shabbily as some of the pigs waiting in line to see Reagan's casket did. What a disgrace.