On Sunday, I made the mistake of not crackinga window while unclogging a drain (using two bottles of SUPER Liquid Plumber, followed by a bleach chaser). After regaining consciousness, I had the most brilliant insight of my career (no, it wasn't the flux capacitor, but it was close). I was able to write down my random thoughts. Here they are:
Since the Democrats are so intent on America losing this war, shouldn't they be planting "Defeat Gardens?" In WWII, Americans banded together and grew "Victory Gardens." Why aren't the Democrats doing the same (for our enemies)? They're giving verbal aid and comfort to them already. Isn't it time they put their money where their mouths are? Shouldn't Michael Moore be writing checks to his "Freedom Fighters" in Iraq (you know, the Islamists who blow up school busses full of children). By the way, a couple of weeks ago, you may recall that there were two Japanese freelance reporters killed by Moore's pals. It may interest you to know that one of them was arranging to take an Iraqi boy back with him to Japan so he could get eye surgery (to fix his right eye, which is virtually blind, but could have been fixed). You didn't hear any outrage from the Democraps on this, did you? Of course not. George Soros doesn't care about "brown people," and neither do Ted Kennedy, John F. Kerry, or any other mainstream democraps. Thanks to Moore's (and Nancy Pelosi's) "Iraqi Freedom Fighters" (who deliberately targeted the Japanese civilians), that kid is most likely going to be blind in that eye for the rest of his life. Good job, Moore. Give yourself a little pat on the back.
If a gay couple ties the knot in Boston, but there are no camera crews around to film it for the evening news or morning paper, did they actually get married? The answer is no. Unless it can be made into a public spectacle, a gay marriage apparently isn't considered valid.
Last week, a junior high school in my area was shut down for two days. One of the kids phoned in a bomb threat. The police searched the building, and found nothing. Does this mean that the police "lied?" After all, the police shut down the school, even though there was no evidence of WMD. They displaced hundreds of students for two days (and inconvenienced the parents). I think there needs to be an investigation. And the Police Chief needs to lose his job. Most importantly, he needs to apologize to the community.
On that note, there was a woman who was late for her plane, so she phoned in a bomb threat (if you can believe it). The flight was cancelled (even after the woman admitted she was the one who phoned it in and that there was no bomb). But (brace yourselves), the TSA and FBI still insisted on holding everyone up and looking for a bomb, causing the airline to lose thousands of dollars. Using liberal "logic," doesn't that mean that the TSA and FBI "lied?" Again, someone needs to go to prison for going into a pre-emptive airplane search, even though there never were any WMD on that plane.
What the hell is wrong with KFC? Their new television ads are so retarded, I don't know where to start. First of all, please stop with the whole "70's motif." Those of us who lived through that vile decade do not want to be reminded of the crappy fashions of that era. And what the hell is a "Drive-Thru Diva," exactly? Is it a woman who sings really well while she's ordering her food through a clown head? Finally, the end of the commercial says that the diva is living in "Chicken Capital, USA." Where the hell is that, exactly? Because I want to stay as far away from that place as humanly possible.
And speaking of 'divas,' Monday night it's once again time for WB's Superstar USA (check local listings). They've narrowed it down to four 'singers,' one of which is my favorite bad singer. In fact, she's the worst I've ever heard. Who is she? I'm not saying. You'll have to watch it yourself (if you do, it will be obvious who I'm talking about). OK, it's Rosa. Happy now? Up until now, they've kept the 'singers' from watching the other contestants (otherwise, they'd know the whole thing is a ruse to find the WORST singer in America). This week, that's going to change, as they are supposed to have duets (where the terrible singers are bound to realize what's going on). What a gem!
Here's a question: If a male suicide bomber is supposed to get 72 virgins, then what does a FEMALE splodeydope get? Does she get to BE one of the 72? That doesn't seem like much of a prize. Or does she get her clitoris back? Does she get to walk around "heaven" or wherever they think they go WITHOUT having to wear a burqua? Or does she get the ultimate Islamist prize - being reborn as a man??? I'm just asking what everyone else is thinking. That's why I'm here.
What ever happened to Taco flavored Doritos? They were the best, and they seemed to disappear around 1991 or so. Sure, Frito Lay came out with "Nacho" or "Taco Bell" Doritos as part of their "extreme" phase of the 90's, but they predictably sucked ass. I've met other people who share my penchant for Taco Doritos, but that's just one of the things that we'll never see again (like gas lower than $2.00 a gallon).
Finally, like most Americans, I've been amused at the campy English-language t-shirts, window signs, and other things in Japan which feature inaccurate and nonsensical English phrases like "What is Pachinko? It is super excellent parlor game which are for fun people like playing cards or sex." I actually saw a sign that said that when I lived in Japan.
Of course, the novelty wears off quickly, but I was recently thinking about this again. What about Americans? Do we have the Japanese-language equivalent here in the states? The answer is yes. People who get tattoos with Chinese characters are an embarrassment to themselves as well as their country. I recently saw a woman at the gym (at least I'm pretty sure she was a woman) who had a tattoo which roughly translates into: "Female Evil Dragon Water" on her arm. Hahahahahahaha! I realize some people may understand Chinese or Japanese and want to get a tat based upon a word they think describes them. Fine (I guess). But I get the feeling most people go into a tattoo parlor and just start pointing to Chinese characters that look "cool," with no regard for what it actually means. Those of us who can read Chinese or Japanese are laughing at you...
That's all for now. My buzz is starting to wear off....
