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Hello boys and girls. This is your old pal Smokey Bear, with a dire warning about the condition of our forests. No, they're
not in danger of being "over-harvested" for Halliburton. Nor are they under any sort of threat from the Bush Administration.
What is very likely, however, is something that Michael Cooper has known for some time now - our forests are going to be torched
by terrorists.
Sound crazy? Think about it. America's forests (especially during dry summers) are completely unguarded. All you need
is the right about of flame, and POOF! up it goes. At first, I thought Mr. Cooper was just being an alarmist prick. After
all, he is a Democrap. They'll say ANYTHING in order to get elected. Furthermore, most environmentalists don't give a rat's
ass about protecting our forests. That's why they are so adamantly opposed to President Bush's attempts to thin out dead wood
(which would make the forests less likely to go up in flames this summer).
However, I realized last summer that Cooper was right all along. For the past couple of years, Al Qaeda HAS been torching
not only America's forests, but forests around the world. I have already lost two of my dearest friends: Conservation Koala
(from Australia), and Frenchy the Forest Frog (from France, of course). Both of them were killed last summer, in extremely devastating
fires which were set by (you guessed it) Islamic radicals using Molotov cocktails and gasoline bombs.
In addition to killing my friends, the fires did an unprecedented amount of damage, killing people and burning down hundreds
of homes. You didn't hear about the Islamist connection from Katie Couric or Dan Blather? I'm not surprised. They
don't want you to know the truth, because you might actually get off your fat ass for once and do something
about it. Still don't believe me? Here's an excellent article from World Net Daily.
And let's not forget the horrific California wildfires which destroyed a large portion of that state last year. I'm still
not sure if it was envornmental extremists or Muslim extremists, but those fires didn't set themselves, you know. Besides,
if you're not aware of the Global Marxist-Islamist Alliance by now, you're about as dumb as a box of aquarium gravel. Why
don't you come out to the forset? I'll introduce you to my family, and we can reenact the "man gets eaten by grizzy" scene
from Faces of Death.
Summer in America is just around the corner, and I'm extremely concerned. My old friend Woodsy Owl has come down with
Asian Bird Flu, and he's never even been out of the country. This is a deadly serious issue with deadly serious consequences.
So what can YOU do? Be alert. If you see a guy that looks like Mohammed Atta trying to fit in with the backpackers in your
group, ask him what he thinks about the Patriot Act. Just like Vulcans never lie, Islamists cannot shut up about the Patriot
Act, nor can they convincingly fake loving America (neither can most Democrats).
If you do uncover any Al Qaeda cells at your favorite campground, just give old Smokey a call. I'll send my newest
assistant, Cletus to the rescue. You remember him, don't you? He was the guy that made Ned Beatty squeal like a pig in Deliverance.
Cletus is out of prison now, and he's putting his skills to use for the good guys. He's just gotten back from Guantanamo Bay,
and he can't wait to stick it to the terrorists, if you know what I mean.
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