So without further ado, we would like to announce our new Hate Mail Administrator, Stephanie (known to everyone in her class as "Little Miss Smarty Pants").

Thank you, Mr. Cooper. And by the way, I really liked your article on Barney. God, I hate him! He's soooo stupid. He's worse than Britney Spears.

 

Let's see what we've got in the old email bag today....

 

Here's an email from some clown named John. The subject line says "Talk about stupid." The email says:

 

 

 

Boy, talk about an easy one. First of all, John, your last line had "no" in it. Was that supposed to be "now?" I'll give you a pass on that, but take a look at the very first word. Poor John screws up the first word in his email and proves what a 'tard he is right out of the gate. That's pretty funny. I don't suppose you realize it, but "You're" is not the proper word. "You're" is a contraction for "You are." The word you were looking for is "Your." Wow, for being so short and pointless, John's letter sure was full of problems, wasn't it? Oh, and the line about "Better shut down your website," is pretty funny (to a six year old). Here's my response: Yeah, well you're even stupider times a thousand million jillion infinity!

 

There. That should keep John up at nights.

 

Here's our next email. It comes from somebody too scared to sign his or her own name (even though the email address makes it pretty clear). The subject line is "stolen," and it has an attachment. The email says:

 

 

Hmmm. I'm not really sure what this mystery person was trying to say, but at least it didn't say "Your a bad writer!" Either he/she LIKES this website and was praising it by calling it "bad" (a ghetto slogan that went out of style about 20 years ago), or he/she HATES the website and was trying to be critical of Mr. Cooper's writing (in which case the proper word to use would have been "poor" instead of "bad"). "Poor" is used to denote a lack of skill. "Bad" is used to describe something that is harmful or evil. Boy this is the easiest job I've ever had.

 

That's all the hate mail we have this week. I'm off to spend my five dollars!

 

Toodles,

Miss Smarty Pants 

 

PS: If you would like to send more email, please do so. I get paid $2.50 for every 'tard whose email I dissect, and it's really fun!! But please, no more attachments. Mr. Cooper doesn't want me opening any attachments or pictures, unless they are from people he knows. I learned my lesson when I opened up an attachment, and it turned out to be a picture of a fat naked woman holding up a sign that said Mr. Cooper was late on his $29.95 monthly subscription for something. I don't know what that was, but it really creeped me out.

 

PPS: Please don't tell my mom that I used the word "tard." I could get into big trouble at home, but Mr. Cooper lets me say it as many times as I want!