Richard Ben-Veniste: Mr. Cooper, do you not agree that your material was
plagarized by several online writers, and possibly even talk show hosts?
Cooper: Plagarized? Absolutely not. Like I said, the article you're talking
about was satire. Although the points in it were quite valid, it was only natural that there would be others with similar
sentiment.
Ben-Veniste: Do you not have proof that these journalists, nor anybody who
works for them, have never seen your website?
Cooper: No. I mean Yes. I mean, I'm not very good at double negatives. Do
you mean "did" they see my site or "didn't" they see the site?
Ben-Veniste: Thank you.
Cooper: Wait- let me finish my point -
Ben-Veniste: I didn't know there WAS a point.
(laughter and applause)
Cooper: What I was trying to say is that nobody is out there copying me.
Ben-Veniste: Are you sure about that?
Cooper: Absolutely.
Cooper: No, I ....
Ben-Veniste: Let me read you an excerpt. By the way, the article is titled
"In a Parallel Universe called 'What if.'" Sound familiar?
Cooper: Well, that WAS the premise of my article, but...
Ben-Veniste: I think it was more than just the PREMISE, Mr. Cooper. In fact,
what does the P.U. stand for in your story, called "P.U. News Report," which was written well over a month ago?
Cooper: (mumbles)
Ben-Veniste: Speak up, Mr. Cooper. We can't hear you!
Cooper: PARALLEL UNIVERSE.
(audience gasps)
Ben-Veniste: Here's a quick excerpt from Jewish World Review: "Bush also
faces federal charges at home for his baseless arrest of 19 foreign nationals, many of them native Saudis, whose "crime" was
attending American flight schools. The Council on American-Islamic Relations has joined the American Civil Liberties Union
in a joint suit against both Bush and former Attorney General John Ashcroft, charging racial profiling, unlawful arrest, and
illegal search and seizure."
Now how the hell do you explain that Mr. Cooper? Are we to believe that it's just another "coincidence."
Cooper: ...... Um..... Yeah, sure....
Ben-Veniste: Oh come on.. You really are a tard, aren't you?
Cooper: Can I go home now?
Ben-Veniste: What have you done to prevent FUTURE attacks against your website,
Mr. Cooper??? Have you taken even the slightest measure to ensure that THIS bit right now, where you're being grilled by the
9/11 Commission won't be lifted and used by somebody better known than you next week??? Don't you even care,
Mr. Cooper???
Cooper (sobbing): Look, it's just a fucking website, OK? I don't care who
copies it. Besides, it's just a coincidence... Probably... Would you just leave me alone?
Ben-Veniste: That is all, Mr. Cooper.... Would someone please get a tissue
for the little baby?
(Laughter, applause, cheering, and flowers thrown at the 9/11 Commission)
Tune in next time, when Richard Ben-Veniste and Richard Clarke get laid by some of the more overtly partisan and money-grubbing
9/11 widows, who are really banking on this commission finding something they can sue over.
