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Today, Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge announced a new program designed to warn travelers of whiners
in our midst. The new color-coded alert system (similar to the current Terror Alert Level System) will allow the flying public to know in advance how many whining, sniveling crybabies could end up being on their flights.
In the past, this system was considered for use due to the large number of first class passengers who cry
like five-year-old pussyboys when they fly standby and have to sit back in the cattle car with the rest of us schmucks. However,
because of increased security measures taken after 9/11, it isn't just rich first class passengers who've taken up whining
as a hobby. Many Muslims and lefty anti-American activists have been denied boarding due to their affiliation with terrorist
organizations, and the ACLU doesn't like it one bit.
The new "Whine Alert" will have five levels: "Whimper," "Whine," "Caterwaul," "You're only targeting me
because of my religion and/or political affiliation," and the highest alert level, "Please shut the fuck up."
It is amazing that in this day and age (when the government is being grilled like a fucking salmon for "not
doing enough to prevent 9/11"), the same people will whine that our "civil rights are being taken away." My wife - who is
neither Middle Eastern nor a leftist BBB (Bush-Bashing Bitch) has had that wand stuck in her ass more times than any of you
haters in the Green Party, I assure you.
In an unrelated (but somewhat funny) story, it seems that not all Spanish people are spineless
pussies. And although I certainly do not encourage acts such as are alleged to have happened in Florida, I still have the
right to laugh my ass off. Check it out. (Again, I do NOT encourage this behavior, but I will only mildly condemn it - you know, like when "moderate" Muslims
pay scant lip service to condemning terrorism, then go right back into full "America sucks" mode).
Adios.
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(C) 2004, Cooper for President
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