This week, mentally retarded American Idol star and Vice Presidential Candidate William Hung released his first (and hopefully last) music album. The album (titled "Constipation") has already sold over one dozen copies, making it only the 15 trillionth album in history to go "Double Copper" in its first week of release. Rolling Stone Magazine predicts that Hung's album will even outsell such classics as Leif Garrett's "I'm off the Blow Now," and Bobby Sherman's "Why Was I Ever Popular?"

 

As you may recall, Hung got his start singing and gyrating to Ricky Martin's already horrible "She Bangs," to the delight of Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson (who just can't resist making fun of people who are dorkier than they are). In a masterful display of playing the pity card to its fullest extent, Hung now has his own website, a record deal, and several women who want to marry him.

 

Back in February, Hung was tapped to be Vice President by someone even more feckless than he is (no, not Ben Affleck, Michael Cooper). Since then, the offers have come pouring in (offers to help out with the Bush and Kerry campaigns, that is).

 

Despite his overall lack of singing talent, Hung's determination and charm have endured him to millions of Americans, as well as several desparate skanks (judging by the photos posted on his official website from women who want to date him). I say "go for it." We could use a good skank on the campaign trail to liven things up a bit. Let's hope that the future V.P. of the United States doesn't start getting too big for his britches. Oh, and speaking of "britches" somebody get a stick and scrape his legs. Yep, he's crapped himself again, and the windows don't open on the Cooper campaign bus. Gracias.