I've been following the whole Tyco trial (and 'mistrial') with a bit of interest for some time. After all, it isn't every day that the former chairman of a major company is accused of embezzling $600 million to buy such things as jewelry, yachts, and all the other things that people like John Kerry already have. But what really convinced me that Dennis Koslowski is a scumbag was the $2.1 million party he threw (on the company dime) on the Italian isle of Sardinia. What was so bad about the party? He hired Jimmy Buffett (for $250,000 no less). I'm pretty sure that hiring Jimmy Buffett to perform in front of employees is a violation of about a dozen labor laws. If not, it should be.

 

I realize I'm treading on thin ice with this piece. Jimmy Buffett is idolized by millions. Why? I really have no idea. Normally intelligent people (who rightfully made fun of the Grateful Dead for being an overrated bar band) have no problem falling all over themselves in order to get tickets for the one-hit wonder known as Jimmy Buffett. Buffett's music (and I use that term loosely) is nothing more than a tribue to sloth and alcoholism (not that there's anything wrong with that). I realize not everybody can be Pink Floyd (and I don't expect them to be), but if you're going to idolize a one-hit wonder from the 70's, why him? Why not Dave Mason? Or Bob Welch? Or the Starlight Vocal Band for that matter?

 

Oddly enough, Buffett's fans cheerfully refer to themselves as "Parrot Heads." Isn't "parrot head" just a polite way of saying "bird brain?" During the summer, you can often find Buffett fans lined up in some big park or something where he may even preach about the need to "save the environment." Ironically, after the concert is over, the park is usually littered with empty beer bottles, used condoms, and roach clips. What do you call this stuff, "parrot droppings?"

 

Jimmy Buffett is nothing more than a caricature of himself like Weird Al or Don Ho. He's a one-trick pony who revels in his image as a bald, tequila swilling, aloha shirt wearing "everyman" going through a midlife crisis. He is as overrated and boring as Bruce Springsteen (there, now I've just lost the Jersey vote). But I'm only saying what needs to be said. Unlike the other presidential candidates, I'm not going to just say what people want me to say. And I refuse to wear a plastic parrot on my shoulder.

 

Now get back to work.