Today radio personality and self-described "King of all Media" Howard Stern stunned his radio audience when he abruptly quit (whining about George Bush, that is). His refusal to repeat his tired, black helicopter theory that Bush is deliberately trying to silence him lasted approximately 5.2 seconds. After that, it was just like any other day, replete with queefing contests, sister-and-brother makeout sessions, and other assorted nosepicker fare.

 

Don't get me wrong. Howard Stern is one of the most talented on-air personalities today. He paved the way for many radio and television hosts, and if imitation really IS the sincerest form of flattery, Stern should feel flattered (although he's clearly annoyed). He may not be the King of ALL Media, but his movie Private Parts was surprisingly good. And his performance on 9/11 (and the days following) was far superior to any of the coverage by the milquetoast "journalists" out there. He deserved an award for what he and his crew did that horrific week (being just a few blocks away from Ground Zero). Of course, he got nothing.

 

All joking aside, there does seem to be some merit to Stern's complaints that he's being singled out. But rather than being a victim of the Bush Administration's desire to be re-elected at all costs, I believe Stern is the victim (if I can use that word) of an over-zealous FCC in the wake of Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" at Stupidbowl 38. In the days following the Superbowl, Phil Hendrie said it best when he predicted the FCC would come after the people who could least afford to fight back - radio hosts. Instead of going after television, talk radio and various "shock jocks" have been leveled record fines for "indecency." Stern is the biggest "shock jock" on the air, which makes him the biggest target.

 

Sure, much of Stern's content is offensive to me. But who gets to decide what is and what isn't "obscene?" When a stripper comes on to talk about how "cool" she is that she has sex with women, I tune out. When they have a farting contest, where some fat slob tries to break the record for breaking wind in a filthy whore's face, I change the station. That type of content is not only retarded, it's clearly not geared towards me or people like me. Fine. There are still plenty of reasons to listen to Howard Stern.

 

Stern's comments regarding self-absorbed, self-important "celebrities" are far superior to the endless ass kissing we're treated to on virtually every other station. His analysis of the news with Robin Quivers used to be one of the best segments on radio. But the "Bush is trying to silence me" schtick has gotten old. It's just not funny (or interesting) anymore. And to think that Stern would go from being such a hawkish Bush supporter after 9/11 to a John Kerry sychophant because his show was pulled from a few Clear Channel stations is a joke. Yes, he made the negative comments about Bush before being pulled from Clear Channel, but Stern's merely engaging in a flawed analysis called "post hoc ergo proper hoc." For example, if you drink a glass of milk, then get into a car crash, it doesn't mean that drinking milk CAUSES car accidents. So get over it, nobody's out to get you because you support Kerry. Look at Don Imus. End of story.

 

Remember, it was after the big conference call with Viacom that Stern said he would deliberately do all he could to get fired. He said he was going to violate every on-air rule possible and actually dared his company to fire him. Of course, Viacom wasn't in on the ruse, so they were quick to tell the news media that they have Stern under contract (and he would not be going anywhere).

 

So that leaves me where I am today - I like much of what Stern does, and simply tune out during the crap that is aimed at 12 year old trailer park dwellers. But this constant whining has got to stop. Kissing the asses of Al Franken and Margaret Cho isn't entertaining in the least. Finally, nobody's going to vote for president based upon what Howard Stern tells them to do. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. The booger-eaters who listen to Stern to hear sisters talk about having sex with each other wouldn't know how to register, much less vote.