In keeping with the "It's our fault" theme, the DNC has just released their new "patriotic" song. It's called "God Blame
America." We'd like to go one further. Not only have we blamed the world's self-induced problems on George W. Bush (
like we did here) we've decided to move forward with our double-pronged appeasement and aid program. It's called "Food for Peace."
Like Jimmy 'Tarder, Madeline Albright, and Bill Clinton before us, we realize that if we ever hope to win the Democrat
nomination, we're going to stop just BLAMING America and actually start giving aid, comfort, and nukes to our enemies. That
way we can REALLY say how bad this country is. Get it?
So here's the deal: The people of North Korea are starving. And it's our fault. That's right - they're starving because
we're fat. Makes sense, right? Their lack of food is due to of our abundance of food. Never mind
that their lack of food comes from things like communism and drought. The important thing is that America takes the blame
for it (and coughs up the solution). And that's exacly what I intend to do. Here's how you can help:
1) Take your keyboard. Grip it firmly on both sides (this won't work if you use
a laptop).
2) Turn your keyboard upside down (over a flat surface, like your desk).
3) Shake the keyboard violently back and forth, side to side for a good, solid
three minutes.
4) Don't stop now, you're almost done.....
5) Great. You've done it! Now take a look at all the food particles (chips, snacks,
and bits of Funyuns) that came out of there. Pretty gross when you think about it, eh?
6) Don't throw it away! Get an evelope and gently brush the "keyboard leavins"
into it.
7) Mail the contents to "Kim Dung Il c/o Madeline Albright, 1211 Arlington Way,
Penguinface, Virginia, 01100"
Since she's in bed with the glorious dictator, she will be the one in charge of gathering the collections.
Provided she doesn't eat it herself, your generous contributions will be delivered to the good people of North Korea. After
all, they're just regular folks like you and me (who happen to want to kill all of us). Let's make sure they don't
starve to death.
And for those of you "haters" who are too good to actually eat at your computers, you'll
just have to send in your couch fixins or the stale french fries that have fallen under the driver's seat of your car.
God Bless you all, and God Blame America!
