|
The political world was knocked on its ass Thursday, as Democrat Presidential Candidate Michael Cooper announced
he had chosen William Hung to be his Vice Presidential running mate. Hung, a 21-year-old engineering student from
California, is expected to pull in at least seven or eight votes nationwide (effectively doubling Cooper's
current base). With his awkward dancing, so-so singing, buttoned-up Hawaiian shirt, and trademark pigshave hairstyle, William
Hung has become an unlikely overnight sensation.
Hung's first foray into the spotlight was in September of last year, when he auditioned for the Fox reality show American
Idol. His memorable appearance (butchering the already horrible Ricky Martin song "She Bangs") displayed a painful lack of
talent (but an abundance of charm and affability). After being told by Simon Cowell that he would rather push his own grandmother
down a flight of stairs than see him perform again, Mr. Hung calmly stated that he had done his best,
and had no regrets (instead of throwing a Michael Moore sized hissy-fit like the effeminate queerboys who call themselves
"divas" are known to do).
When asked for an explanation as to why Michael Cooper chose Hung to be his running mate, Cooper for President Campaign
Manager, Sarah Cooper-Payton said, "America loves underdogs. Think about Truman vs. Dewey, David vs. Goliath, or Dick York
vs. Dick Sargent. We believe that by playing the sympathy card, Michael is guaranteed to enjoy a huge groundswell of what
is known as the 'pity vote.' We also thought it would be interesting to buck the current trend of "Gay Chic," and seek out
the only heterosexual male contestant in American Idol's history.
In addition to an increase in younger voters (aged 14-17), the decision to add Hung to the ticket will undoubtedly bring
the marketing costs well under control. Cooper-Payton explained: "Originally, people were asking us to choose someone with
a lot of notoriety, like Paris Hilton, or one of the Queer Eye Fab Five. But quite frankly they were way too expensive. With
a Cooper-Hung ticket, our marketing costs will be limited to a few hundred pairs of nerd glasses, and about eight dozen
Mr. Spock wigs."
Next week the Cooper campaign is taking its message on the road. Starting Monday, they will be giving out free pigshaves
to anyone wearing an Aloha shirt (provided it is buttoned all the way to the top). In addition to reshaping Cooper's image,
Payton has also been credited with creating several "Hung Willie" jokes (which is currently the en vogue joke among junior
high school students around the country).
|
