For a second year in a row, Seattle, Washington has been crowned "America's Most Terror-Friendly City" by Jihad Quarterly
(an oddly-named monthly magazine published by Al Qaida and Al Jazeera). The #2 city (up a slot from
last year) is Seattle's sister to the south, Portland, OR (home to the group of admitted terrorists known as the "Portland
Seven").
According to JQ, here is the criteria used to determine a city's eligibility (and rank):
Number of Known Sleeper Cells
Number of Wahhabi Mosques
Democrat (or left-wing) Mayor
Local Opposition to the Patriot Act
Large Number of Trojan Horse "Peace" Groups
Universities Adept at Fundraising for Terror Groups
Tolerance of Eco-Terrorists
Easy Cross-Border Access
Sympathetic Press
Notably absent from the list are such criteria as "a target-rich environment," or "military bases."
According to JQ, the "Terror Friendly" list is meant as a guide for sleeper cells to find a nice place to raise a family while
preparing for terrorist attacks, not a guide for which cities to attack. Accordingly, cities
like New York, D.C., and Los Angeles are not on the list.
The report isn't without controversy. The mayor of Newark, NJ (which didn't make the list) is furious that Paterson
is not considered "part" of Newark (while "Seattle" includes Tacoma and Bellingham). Mayor Tom Menino of Boston also
expressed his dissatisfaction at not being ranked higher. "We've done all we can to encourage the construction of Wahhab Mosques
in our city. For those of you who haven't been paying attention, Wahhabism is the most virulent form of Islam. It's like
taking the most radical madrassas from Saudi Arabia and Pakistan and putting them smack-dab in the center of Beantown.
I don't think JQ realizes or appreciates the effort I've put into this," said Menino (on his way to an Elmer Fudd lookalike
contest in Worchester).
Other cities were upset that they WERE on the list. San Diego's mayor released this statement "Just because San Diego
shares an open border with Mexico doesn't mean that we should be considered 'friendly' towards terrorists. Look at Miami!
Didn't Mohammad Atta live there? Why the hell isn't Miami on the list?"
For the first time ever, provincial Eugene, Oregon made the list. "This one was a no-brainer, and we were wrong not to
have recognized Eugene earlier," said Editor-in-Chief, Akmed al Akmedi. "The whole state of Oregon is a hotbed of leftwing
activism, full of useful idiots who will help us with our cause. But Eugene in particular is an almost endless source of eco-terrorism,
anarchy, and fundraising for what we euphemistically call 'Palestinian Charities.' We were remiss in letting them slip
by in previous years, and we won't let it happen again.
Already preparing for next year's list, the mayors of several cities (most notably Santa Crud) are drafting papers for
a formal "censure" of President Bush (for going to war in Iraq). Some cities are actually petitioning the U.S. Senate to IMPEACH
Bush (in a move which would score major points with the sleeper cells in America, and the editors at JQ Magazine).
