Michael Patrick Cooper was born on March 12, 1971, in Sheboygan, Illinois. His mother worked right through the 8th month of pregnancy as an "Air Quality Tester" at the Umatilla chemical weapons depot in Eastern Oregon, and his father worked for ten years as a thalidomide salesman. Their love story eventually became the basis for the "your chocolate and my peanut butter" Reese's ads you may have seen in the 1980's (except the ending wasn’t as happy... Or as peanut-buttery delicious)…
Michael Cooper is the ultimate sad sack to the leftist America haters. As a mentally retarded man, he was gainfully employed as a telemarketer up until this year, when after the passage of the Do Not Call List, Michael promptly lost his job. While walking by a peace rally, Cooper was spotted by the "new patriots" who adopted him as their useful idiot. They had planned on running Michael as a Green Party presidential candidate, but he made the mistake of wearing an Old Navy fleece pullover (with an American flag in the middle) to one of their rallies. The attendees (out of sheer instict) immediately set fire to the pullover in an effort to show their "patriotism." Fortunately, WE were standing by and were able to rescue Michael from the clutches of the smelly hippies and assorted rabble. Now that Michael is free, he isto say what he REALLY thinks, and you'd be wise to pay attention.
Now we're running Michael (as a Democrap) for president. If you're a Dem, and you just can't stomach the bile spewing out of the mouthes of the "miserable failures" running for president, please write in "Michael Cooper" on your ballot. If you're an independent (or libertarian) and you happen to live in a state where you can vote for either party in a primary race, Michael Cooper is your man! It's Ok, people routinely write in "Daffy Duck," on their ballots, so don't feel guilty about writing in "Cooper." (Warning: don't write in "Elmer Fudd" if you live in Boston. In beantown, "Elmer Fudd" counts as a vote for mayor Thomas Menino).
