Socially Retarded Behavior at a Funeral - Now that the tributes to Ronald Reagan are over, I feel the need to call attention to the people in our society who seem incapable of dressing properly (especially when going to a funeral).

Another Great Piece about The Gipper! Jerry Redmond (of Redmond News Service fame) has penned an excellent tribute to Ronald Reagan. Here's a perfect example of liking the man without necessarily agreeing with everything he did. Read it now.

The Americans with Inabilities Act - In order to score points with the "It's not my fault," sector of the American public, the 'Coop has come up with the Americans with INABILITIES Act. And it's a good thing, because one of the biggest "blame others" groups (the Gay Mafia) is now pinning the AIDS epidemic on President Reagan. How much blame does Reagan deserve for the behavior of the bath house brigade? Absolutely none of it.

Butch up, America! Today we reveal Part I of our revolutionary three-part series, "Butch Up!" American men (and boys) have been pussified like never before over the past decade, and we're finally going to do something about it. This program will soon be mandatory in all high schools in the nation (or else we will surely lose this war). If you're an active military member, you don't need to take the course, but you might want to read along so you can laugh at the rest of us. Here we go.

Random Thoughts from a Drooling Idiot - Still suffering from the effects of some chemicals he ingested over the weekend, leading presidential candidate Michael Cooper gives us all a taste of the random thoughts buzzing around in his brain. Check it out.

Goodbye President Reagan - Ronald Wilson Reagan (the greatest president of my lifetime) died this weekend after a long bout with Altzheimer's Disease. Our warmest regards and deepest sympathies go out to his family. Here are just a few of the reasons President Reagan was so loved.

UPDATE: Who is Brooke Wilberger, and why should you care? Brooke Wilberger is a 19-year-old BYU student, who was visiting her sister at Oregon State University in Corvallis May 24th, when she simply vanished. There was some sign of a struggle, but volunteers have combed the area and found nothing. Here's what you can do to help.

Cool Site of the Week - It's payback time (but in a good way). When I first began Cooper for President six months ago, virtually all of my hits came from people who already knew about the existence of The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler. Now that the Cooper site has reached its peak, there are probably at least a few hundred of you who have not yet seen the brilliance that is Emperor Misha I. He was the first person to endorse me for President (albeit as his marionette), and I read his site daily. Thank you!

Attack of the Race Baitors! This week, NAACRAP President Julian Bond used his race hatred to compare Republicans to the Taliban (odd, considering that it was a REPUBLICAN president who GOT RID of the Taliban). Anyhoo, in the spirit of public service, the Cooper for President team has come up with a list of suggestions on how YOU can become a race-baiting black activist. Take a look.

Cooper 2.0! The Sooper Cooper Website has finally earned enough pesos to subscribe to a free newswire service. It shall be noted that on this day, June something, two thousand and... four I think.... the Redmond News Service was born, circumcised, started walking, then got bored and went back to bed. Please welcome J. Redmond in his debut column, "Howard Dean Starts up Left-Wing Militia."

Bush's Successes Aren't Being Reported (surprise, surprise). The economy is doing exceedingly well, jobs are up, the GDP is up, home sales are up, and manufacturing is up. But you wouldn't notice by watching the "mainstream" media, would you? Not to worry, President Bush has come up with a foolproof plan to get his message out - combine his economic numbers with photos from Abu Ghraib!